and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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