Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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