I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
