We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
