you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
