shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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