Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
