theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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