allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
