yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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