she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
