i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
