one two three fourrrrnication!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
