just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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