So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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