Me. At least after what I've been through.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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