True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
