When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
