in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
