She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
