I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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