I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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