so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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