yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
