her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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