sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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