So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
