Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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