Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
