**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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