So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Even my vagina gasped.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
