If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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