Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
