Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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