I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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