i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
