He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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