Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
