he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
