I just pynch a tree in the face
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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