i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
