i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
