I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
