we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
