Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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