At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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