Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
