dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
