he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
