i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
