I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
