Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
