By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
