mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
