Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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